The reason why keeping the notion of a reunion throughout the back-burner is likely to be a problem.
1,2 But what happens when your submit a fresh relationship? Can you maintain experience of an ex or slashed all of them aside? Could it be harmful to the new connection in the event the ex still is into your life? Normally concerns many of us can connect with, nonetheless they have not been examined much by union researchers—until recently.
In 2 researches, Lindsay Rodriguez and 
her co-worker surveyed teenagers in enchanting affairs to determine how often they talk to exes, exactly why they maintain call, and exactly what that claims about their current commitment. 3 The most important study surveyed 260 undergraduates, who had previously been with their recent companion for at least four weeks along with a previous commitment that lasted at least three months.
They learned that about 40 % with the pupils keep in touch with an ex. For your vast majority (over 90 percent), this correspondence began within a couple of months on the separation and continuous to happen at least one time every few months. We performedn’t communicate with their ex too often, but a small subgroup—13 percent—had exposure to exes a couple of times a week.
Who is almost certainly going to stay in touch with an ex? The more big the position in the current connection (e.g., partnered or nearly engaged vs. dating), the less likely members happened to be having experience of an ex. However, persisted communication with an ex was not related to how severe the relationship with all the ex was indeed. (this might be most likely mainly because participants had been fairly youthful, so they would not have a similar degree of investment that will require future call, for example co-parenting, which can occur when much more committed relations break up.) Instead, it was their unique thoughts about their ex and concerning breakup that expected call: People were almost certainly going to communicate with exes they nonetheless had ideas for. They certainly were in addition more prone to keep in touch with exes should they experienced that the separation got a lot more positive—characterized by knowing and insufficient mean and terrible behavior. At long last, individuals who stated that these people were perhaps not throughout the break up are more likely than the others to keep up exposure to their unique ex.
Just what implications performs this bring for people’s current relationships? Overall, those who stayed touching an ex tended to end up being considerably invested in their unique present companion than those exactly who wouldn’t, but connection with an ex was actuallyn’t connected with just how satisfying they discovered their latest union.
In an additional research, the professionals further researched just how connection with exes pertains to the caliber of the present connection by examining people’s good reasons for residing in touch. They interviewed 169 undergraduate college students in interactions, just who mentioned they communicated with an ex at least one time every few months.
Now, the team located a connection between exposure to exes and quality of the current partnership
Those two scientific studies along claim that merely being in touch with an ex cannot indicate anything how pleased you will be along with your current lover, nevertheless could if it get in touch with is constant.
The professionals furthermore expected players to speed how well all of four various motives outlined their own reasons behind communicating with their unique ex:
- Their relationship together with your ex are powerful and satisfying.
- Him or her is seen as a possible “backup” if the current commitment fails.
- Your ex lover is still part of their larger selection of company.
- You’re feeling as if you used lots of time as well as have experienced much along with your ex.